Apart from Eddy’s snoring, and the TV on in the background, the living room was silent. But it wasn’t the usual companionable quiet Evan and Natasha fell into after a long day at work. There was still that tension thrumming between them. They’d enjoyed their pizza, and they’d settled down to watch trash TV together, but there was a niggling feeling that something wasn’t right. Even though they were both sitting on the sofa, Natasha cross-legged in her comfy loungewear and her hair still damp from her shower, it seemed as though a void had opened up between them.
Unable to settle or go home without broaching the elephant in the room, Evan eventually addressed it. ‘Is something wrong, Natasha?’
She turned and looked at him, wide-eyed, as though she had no idea what he was talking about. ‘No. Why?’
He felt his face flush at the thought that he’d got things completely wrong and now had to confess he was the one with the problem. Telling her he’d started to have feelings for her as more than a friend when she was apparently oblivious had the potential to destroy the relationship they did have. ‘It’s just…I thought you were a bit off with me.’
Natasha’s face pinked and he knew he’d been right and hadn’t just imagined it.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I think today has made me think about my own mum. I don’t think she ever cared about me the way Tony did about Janie. Risking her life for her daughter.’
Evan pushed away the shame bubbling up inside him thinking this had to do with him. Just because Natasha seemed to be occupying his thoughts more every day didn’t mean her world revolved around him.
‘I’m sure she did, but you know she has her issues, Natasha. She’s a deeply insecure woman and that’s why she acts so wildly. It’s jealousy.’
‘I don’t think so. Steve thought her a better catch, and I don’t have much of a life outside of work, do I?’ She really didn’t see in herself what everyone else around her saw.
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your mum and Steve have obviously dented your confidence, but their betrayal says more about their weakness in character than yours. You’re a very special person, Natasha. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Growing up, I never had anyone willing to give me the time of day. I was a nuisance. A mistake my parents hadn’t counted on. And I didn’t have anyone else to turn to when I was going through the worst time of my life.’ His voice hitched, the emotions of that time still raw even now.
‘You’ll always have me.’ Natasha reached out a hand to take his and give it a squeeze, and he wished more than anything that was true.
‘I hope so.’ Being with Natasha today had just highlighted even more that Evan needed her in his life. Though he was beginning to realise that he also wanted a different kind of relationship with her.
‘Honestly, Evan, after everything that happened between me, my mum, and my ex, I thought I’d never get over it. You were the one person who made me realise that there were still some good people out there. That maybe I’m even one of them.’ Her brittle laugh suggested that she wasn’t entirely convinced of that.
It was a shame that those people in her life who claimed to love her had done so much damage to her self-esteem. She hadn’t done anything to deserve that.
Evan and Natasha had both been struggling in their own lives and had found time to comfort one another. It was possible that perhaps there had always been more than friendship between them. It certainly felt like that now.
‘You are one of the best people I know.’ He tilted her chin up so she’d look at him and see that he meant every word. Except Natasha wouldn’t meet his gaze. ‘Hey. I mean it.’
When she did finally look at him, her baby-blue eyes glistening with tears as she bit her quivering bottom lip, his heart melted for her. Just like the time when she’d come to him after discovering their betrayal, he wanted to take away her pain, to comfort her, but most importantly, to show her how much he cared for her. All the worries he’d had about ruining their friendship disappeared into insignificance in the midst of his need to convey his feelings for her in that moment.
He leaned forwards, watching as her eyes fluttered shut and she raised her mouth to meet him. A signal that she wanted this as much as he did. Permission for him to cross that line and damn the consequences.
Evan kissed her. Her soft lips moulded to his and it felt so right he didn’t want the moment to end. A part of him hoped it never would.
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