It Started at the Beach - Chapter 6

Sasha couldn’t sleep.

They’d finally made it to the bedroom in the early hours of the morning, and now Gigi softly snored as Sasha stared up at the ceiling. And though she tried to lose herself in Gigi’s reassuring warmth wrapped around her, all she felt was the chill of every doubt.

They wormed their way through her middle as her heart called her out for being a fool.

Because if she’d ever needed proof that Gigi was the woman for her, she’d got it. A thousand times over. Never had she felt more fulfilled, more in tune with another, more…in love.

How could they come back from this? How could she, Sasha, go back to being just a friend?

Because she’d have to.

Gigi didn’t do longevity. She didn’t commit to anything that risked future pain. She’d had her fun several times over tonight. Would the morning see her run? Or would she want to exhaust this passion first? Keep it going for however long the sizzle lasts, and then she’d move on. Just like she had with all the others.

She shuddered. The pain of it making her eyes sting.

Gigi shifted against her, her lips soft against Sasha’s breast and she choked on a sob. The bittersweet pang in her chest too much to hold in.

She couldn’t stay here. She needed space. Clarity. Time to think and come up with a plan. Because she knew one thing for sure, losing Gigi now would hurt far less than weeks or months down the line…given time to get accustomed to having her as a lover, a partner, time to fall even deeper and go the course. Gigi’s course. Always temporary, never forever.

Easing out from under her, Sasha pulled on her robe, disturbing Precious, who had been asleep by the door.

‘Stay, darling,’ she whispered with a stroke to her head. For some reason, she didn’t want to leave Gigi wholly alone. Whether it was the talk of her mother’s absence in her life, or Sasha’s belief that above all what Gigi feared most in this world was being alone.

But knowing it and making her friend see it were different things entirely.

That Gigi’s fear would eventually see it come to fruition was hard to carry alone. But to spell it out to Gigi in the hope that it would make her see sense. See a different future. One in which they could be happy together... Was that not twisting it for her own gain?

And she couldn’t do that. No matter how much she wanted it.

She could only hope that Gigi would come to see it for herself. One day.

***

Gigi stretched out, Sasha’s scent on her sheets filling her with a glorious warmth. That was until she registered the empty space beside her. Cold too. Sasha had been gone awhile.

She peeked through one eyelid, ears straining for movement. Nothing. She was alone. Well, not quite. Precious dozed beside the door. But Sasha…where was she?

She sat up, glanced around. The soft glow of the early morning sunrise leaked through the thin white drapes. It was about the time that Sasha would normally take Precious for a run…

Only, Precious was still here, and Sasha was nowhere to be seen. Her absence far louder than any verbal rejection.

Oh, God, what had they done?

She palmed her forehead, flashbacks from the night invading her mind, hot and steamy and so out of control, heating her even as she felt Sasha’s absence chill her to the core. The heat becoming one of shame. Of panic.

Was she downstairs right now working out a way to resolve this? To move on from it? Or worse, had she gone for a run alone? Needing to get as far away from her as possible while she thought it all through. Maybe even plotted a way to send her packing?!

No, surely not. This was just Gigi’s pessimism taking over. Her belief that all good things came with an expiry date, doing its thing.

Wrapping the sheet around her, she padded up to the wall of glass, eased the drape back. The footpath was deserted as far as the eye could see. In the distance, a couple jogged along the beach, a solitary dog walker too.

No Sasha.

She covered her mouth as the worry swelled.

Well, what did you expect?

Twenty years of friendship to transform overnight?

To magically get a happy ever after?

Are you mad?

And she’d known it was wrong. A recipe for disaster. She and Sasha didn’t belong together. If they had, they would have happened long before now. Sasha would have made her feelings known, shown some interest… Instead she’d dated, but her lovers were few and far between. Women who had been nothing like her.

Not in looks and not in personality. She wasn’t Sasha’s type.

So, what in the hell had possessed them?

Gigi knew why she had done it. Knew it even as she tried to suppress it in the cold light of day.

But for Sasha, had her friend felt sorry for her? Had she feared for Gigi’s feelings when she’d made her thoughts clear? Not wanting to cause Gigi any more pain by rejecting her desire?

Especially when they’d dredged up the past, her mother’s failure to be there for her, her inability to hold down a relationship, her fear of rejection, of loss… Would Sasha do that?

The pressure in her chest built with every heartfelt insecurity…insecurity that she’d had no business projecting onto her best friend. Using it to her own ends.

But when Sasha had looked at her like she had…with so much blazing in her blue gaze…had she misread it?

Had it been compassion, not passion?

Oh, God, there was only way to find out…

***

Sasha sensed Gigi’s presence before she saw her. Schooling her features into a smile, she turned and almost dropped her coffee.

With a sheet wrapped around her middle, her dark hair wild and free, her brown eyes soft and unsure, all Sasha wanted to do was cross the room and wrap her arms around Gigi.

But then Gigi already looked ready to scarper… Would such a move send her running for the hills. Sheet and all. And she needed Gigi to stay, to hear her out… She’d spent the night figuring out a way forward and this was it. She hoped.

‘Hey,’ Sasha whispered.

‘Hey, yourself.’

‘Do you want me to get your dress? Your suitcase?’

Which they’d left forgotten by the front door upon her arrival…too busy losing themselves in one another. Sasha took an uneasy breath.

‘I’d prefer a coffee?’ Gigi said with a small smile.

‘Sure thing.’ She poured her a mug from the carafe and topped it up with milk. ‘Here.’

‘Gracias.’ She slid onto the breakfast stool beside her, not once freeing Sasha of her wary stare.

‘Gigi, I…’

‘Sasha, I…’ she said at the same time, and they both broke off with a soft laugh. ‘You go.’

Sasha wet her lips. ‘I’ve been thinking about your mother.’

Gigi blinked, her surprise evident. Of all the things she’d expected her to say, it hadn’t been that.

‘You have?’ She leaned back, confusion wrinkling up her brow. ‘Why?’

‘Is it not obvious, honey?’ She curled her fingers into her palms to prevent herself from reaching out. She needed to keep her distance. She needed Gigi to know that nothing had changed. That she wasn’t pressing her for more. She wasn’t pressing for a repeat. She was pressing for her to find closure on her past though. ‘You know I have connections within the charity, access to world-class surgeons, the kind of specialists she might not otherwise have access to.’

Gigi shook her head. ‘But…’

‘They might be able to help her, improve her chances, but if I learnt one thing with Mum, time is of the essence. Every day makes a difference. And it’s why I set the charity up—to improve access to such care the world over. But our reach can only go so far, and if I can somehow use it to help your mother like I wasn’t able to help my own…’

Gigi stared back at her, so many thoughts chasing over her face but none forthcoming.

‘Please, Gigi, don’t have regrets…not where your mother is concerned.’

Because her friend could regret the night they’d shared, but Sasha would see to it that she never regretted their friendship. No matter what happened, they still had that. They would always have that.

‘Message her. Please.’