Natasha was having fun. Real, unadulterated fun.
There was no filter, no performance, no fake smile. He made her feel heard. He made her feel seen. He made her alive again.
It wasn’t as though her children had intended to suffocate her with their concern or in the case of Joel, her eldest, ignore her in his own grief after the loss of his dear sweet wife, Katie. But Natasha had lost her sense of self. Even before she’d lost Jack.
She’d lost sight of what she needed in the wake of what her children needed from her. Lost sight of what she found interesting in what her husband had found important. If she was honest, she’d lost sight of where she ended and Jack had begun. And that hadn’t been a bad thing, not when he’d been alive to share her life with, but in losing him, she’d lost herself too. Not just her way, but who she was and what she wanted from life.
Sat across from Arthur, she could feel that spark returning, that inkling of desire, of wanting something more, something else. And that was okay, wasn’t it?
‘You asked me what was next, Natasha, so now it’s your turn… Tell me your dreams—how does the future look for you?’
It was as though he was in her head, reading her like an open book, and she lifted her dessert wine for a sip as she considered her answer.
‘I have it on good authority that my daughter’s partner will be proposing sometime very soon so there’ll be a wedding to plan. My younger sons have the business in hand while my eldest battles with his own demons…’ Her voice cracked as it trailed off, thoughts of Joel, worries about Joel, stealing what little she had left to say.
‘You mean the loss of his wife so soon after his father.’
She struggled to swallow. She could never speak of her son’s pain without breaking so completely. ‘Yes.’
‘And to be doing it in the public eye too…it’s enough to break many a man.’
‘And I fear it’s broken him.’
He reached across the table, touched his hand to hers that she had fisted without realising it. The shift from laughter to tears shaking her up inside and out.
‘It’ll be okay, Natasha. He just needs time.’
‘That’s what we all say.’
‘And it’s true. You of all people know that.’
He caught her eyes, held her gaze with his, the compassion in his brown depths warming her through, steadying out her breathing and drying up her tears before they could fall.
‘I didn’t run away in my grief.’
‘Because you couldn’t, because you had your children to focus on. He’s lost sight of what he’s left behind, but he’ll come back when he’s ready.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
‘Because when he has a mother like you, one who loves like you do, how can he not come back to you?’
‘Can I ring him right now and you tell him that?’ She was teasing, of course she was, but there was a part of her that knew he’d do it. That Arthur had only known her a day, but he’d do almost anything she asked. It made no sense but experience told her that matters of the heart often never did. They weren’t rational or thought through, they just were…born of instinct, a gut response and she trusted it.
‘I would. Though it sounds far better coming from you.’
‘And I’ve told him a thousand times over.’
‘And you’ll tell him a thousand more because the one thing you will never tire of is being there for your children. It’s our fate as loving parents.’
She turned her hand beneath his, palm to palm, the tingle of connection both soothing and electrifying as they rested there and they held each other’s gaze, the candlelight dancing over their faces, so much travelling back and forth in the simple look, the simple touch…
‘As for all your talk of what’s next, Natasha, you never once mentioned what’s next for you. Your children, yes, but you…?’
And of course he would pick up on that…pick up on it and poke at that long-dormant part of her that was waking up to him and the way he was making her feel.
Seen. Heard. Wanted. And very much empowered to take what she wanted in return.
But acting on those feelings… She wasn’t ready for that.
Was she?
***
‘The truth—I’ve no idea. Life stopped the day I lost Jack and I’ve slowly been finding it again.’
‘Through your children?’
‘And now you sound like them.’
‘Because they have a point.’
‘Says the man who lives for his work.’
He shrugged. She wasn’t wrong but then… ‘I don’t know who I am without it.’
‘Maybe it’s time you discovered.’
‘And maybe it’s time you discovered who you are without your children.’
‘Isn’t that the whole point of this?’ She waved a hand about her.
‘What? Taking a holiday? Enjoying good food, excellent restaurants, attractive cities…?’
‘And new friends…’ She gave him a coy smile that lit him up inside. ‘You can’t forget those.’
‘No, I’ll toast to that.’ He took up his dessert wine and chinked it against her glass. ‘To new friends.’
‘New friends.’ Her eyes glinted back at him, the candlelight playing across her features, but he recognised the fire in her depths. Recognised it, wanted to act on it, but for the first time in his life, he wasn’t sure he knew how.
‘Would you like that walk now?’
‘I’d love to.’
He paid the bill and they stepped out into the night. She shivered beside him and he felt it through to his core. ‘You’re cold?’
‘I’m—’ Before she could finish, he had his jacket shrugged off and was wrapping it around her shoulders, her surprised smile morphing into one of blissful gratitude. ‘Thank you.’
They were inches apart, so close the wisp of warm air from her lips caressed his own. ‘You’re welcome.’
But he didn’t step back, didn’t release the lapels of his jacket as he basked in her nearness, the soft glow of the restaurant front working with the magic in her eyes. The continued glint, the sparkle too.
‘Does it seem like fate to you?’
‘Fate?’ His voice was a husky rasp to her soft whisper.
‘We’re both here, at this juncture in our lives, trying to find out who we are after so many years of being constrained by our responsibilities. Free to be whomever, whatever we choose all over again.’
‘And you’re back to the opportunity?’
‘I guess I am.’
‘And what does that opportunity look like to you right now?’
‘It looks like an Italian adventure…an Italian adventure with you.’
He lifted his brows, noticed her lips that were softly parted and so close he could almost taste them. The urge to do so thrumming in his veins, making his head bow… ‘Are you asking me to join you on your travels?’
‘I guess I am.’
‘Is that your new favourite phrase?’
Her smile was everything, her laugh even more so. ‘I guess it is.’
He stroked a hand beneath her chin. ‘I thought you were supposed to be doing this on your own steam.’
‘This is my own steam and it’s telling me to ask you along for the ride. So how about it, Arthur? You, me and the stunning sights of Italy.’
‘Are you sure about this?’
‘If I think about it too long probably not, but Simone’s always telling me I think too much. If you don’t want to though…’
She stepped back and before she could break away completely, he tugged her up against him, his groan low. ‘Oh no, I want to.’
And then he kissed her and nothing else existed. Not work. Not Italy. Nothing but her. And it felt right, so right.
‘Natasha?’
Her lashes fluttered open, her dilated gaze everything to his racing heart. ‘If at any point you change your mind, all you have to do is—’
She pressed her finger to his lips. ‘What I want is to live in the moment and I think you can teach me to live again…’
And then she turned and led him down the sidewalk.
‘Where are we heading?’
‘My hotel…’ She turned her head just enough to eye him. ‘Unless you’d rather we go to yours?’
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