Royal Surrender - chapter eighteen
For a moment, Cajetan did not think Noe was going to let him in. She stared back at him as if he was a nightmare come to life, and her hand was shaking as she went to turn the key in her lock once more.
He was fully prepared for her to go inside and slam the door in his face.
But instead, she led him inside and then waved him into a tiny little flat. It was one room. Her bed was on one end, a galley kitchen on the other, with a simple window in between. Still, it was neat and orderly and filled with her scent, everything artfully arranged to make the most of what space there was.
“I’ve spoken to my mother,” he said, not meaning to sound so formal, but he could not seem to wrestle himself under control. “At length. I told her about us, Noe.”
“That seems like a terrible idea,” she replied, frowning at him.
Yet he could see the way her pulse began to pound in her neck.
“I told her that I could not marry the way she wanted me to do,” he said, and he began to feel more like the him he only was with her as he spoke. “It would not work. That I have decided not to wait and see if love can grow from a marriage she arranged, but to choose love from the start.”
And he let that sit there.
Noe moved back as if she was trying to put more space between them, but that was hardly possible when they were already stood in this tiny room together. He watched her press herself back against the wall. He saw that she was breathing too fast.
And it was possible, he thought, that they were both ruined by this separation after all.
“I don’t understand why you’re doing this,” she managed to get out, though her voice sounded ragged. “I’ve already set you free. I’ve already accepted the inevitable end, which comes with your princess and a grand wedding and—”
“But I have not accepted this,” Cajetan said quietly. “I cannot.”
She sucked in a breath. “I never thought you were cruel,” she all but breathed.
“Noe,” he said, urgently and intently. “I choose you.”
He watched her face crumple. He saw her whole body sag as if she’d sustained a blow. So he moved toward her and held her shoulders, keeping her upright.
“That was not meant to be cruel,” he said.
Her dark eyes were bright with emotion. “I…” She shook her head as if she was in pain. “I don’t want to be your mistress, Cajetan. I can’t.”
And he understood, then. He shifted back, then knelt down before her.
“Noe,” he said. “Is it not obvious? I love you.”
“You don’t,” she all but cried out, sounding panicked. “You can’t.”
“I can,” he said. “I do. Be my princess, Noe. And one day, my queen. Because there is no point in any of this, no me without you.”