A Paramedic to Tempt Her - chapter 6
The registration deadline for the Arizona College of Nursing was coming up. Lacey had filled out all the paperwork. She only had to hit Submit.
Her finger shook every time it got close to the enter button. She could do this.
But what if I fail?
Arms wrapped around her, and Lacey couldn’t get the laptop shut quick enough.
“Are you applying to earn a nursing degree?” Mia squealed and danced across Lacey’s living room. “Yes!”
“No.” Lacey stood, shaking her head. “No. I was looking, that is all. Nothing more.”
“That was a filled-out application, Lacey.” Mia’s hands reached for hers. “That is not looking. That is applying.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Why do you keep saying that?” Mia stamped her foot. The motion might be cute, if they were arguing over something other than Lacey.
“Because it is nothing.” Mia didn’t understand. Couldn’t understand. Even if her family made fun of the tumbleweed energy, Mia floated from success to success.
She’d sold a bakery and a wedding photography business. Now she was a paramedic, excelling at that, too.
Lacey had failed high school. Sure, she’d gotten her general education degree at twenty, but she’d had everything. Successful parents. A warm home. Food in her belly. Things others didn’t have, and she’d failed.
This was a dream. Something she wanted desperately. But if she failed, the dream died, too. That was a risk she wasn’t ready for.
“What are you scared of?” Mia’s voice was harsh. Like she couldn’t imagine why this was such a hard thing.
“Failure. Not that you would understand. But failure, Mia. If I try this and I can’t pass my classes or I get too busy paying my actual bills, or I graduate and no one pays me. Or hell. I apply and they don’t want me! It’s not like I can go to Arizona State.”
“You could.”
“Very funny.” Even if she could afford it, she needed flexibility with classes given her full-time work schedule.
Mia crossed her arms. “I’m not joking. You are not a failure. Why is that so hard to understand?”
“You don’t know what failure is like. You’ve never experienced it. You don’t know what it is like see to see that F, to have the boss tell you you’re fired, to not have a place to call home. So forgive me if I don’t want to risk it all and have nothing in return for it.”
“If you don’t risk anything, you always lose.” Mia marched over to the computer, lifted it and hit Enter.
Lacey’s mouth was hanging open. Her body was shaking. “How could you?”
“How could I not?” Mia wrapped her arms around her, holding her. “I believe in you. I believe in you. I believe in you.”
The words wrapped around Lacey. Words no one had ever spoken to her.
“I believe in you.”
“How many times are you planning to say that?” Lacey laughed, a little of the tension leaking from her.
“As many times as it takes for you to believe it.” Mia’s hands were soft as they laid on her cheeks. “You can do this. And when this comes back with an acceptance letter, I get to say I told you so.”
Lacey wanted that. Desperately. But she wasn’t a traditional student. She was older. She’d earned a GED instead of a high school diploma. There were more strikes against her.
“You are worthy of this, Lacey. They will see that. You aren’t the first person to earn a GED instead of a diploma. You aren’t the only one to go back to school. You aren’t that different from others.”
She pressed her lips against Mia’s.
“Was that to stop me from complimenting you or a thank-you?”
Lacey kissed her again, then shrugged. “Maybe both. You should have asked me.”
“If I had, you would never have said yes.”
That was probably true. But still. “Since we are talking about hard things…”
Mia stiffened and stepped out of her arms.
“Mia, you are not a tumbleweed. Maybe you were once upon a time, but you aren’t now.”
“They are just jokes.” Mia moved to the kitchen, and Lacey could hear water start running in the sink.
Lacey followed her. “I could get used to a girlfriend who does dishes when she is frustrated.”
“I’m not frustrated. It’s a family joke. That is all.”
“It hurts.” Lacey pushed. Mia had forced her hand for the application; today they were doing hard things. “You are allowed to tell them you don’t like it.”
“You don’t understand.” Mia slammed a cup down and then pinched her lips tight. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Lacey started to cross her arms, then stopped. “Mia.”
“And it was accurate, at least at one time. I fled so many good things. Changes when others would have stayed still. My family has little jokes, pinpricks that make us better.”
“A pinprick is still harm.” Lacey crossed her arms. The Laury family was strong enough for Mia to stand up for herself. They probably didn’t even realize the joke was hurting her.
“I think I am going to stay at my place tonight. I just need…need a night.”
“Right.” Lacey didn’t move as she tried ignoring the clench of her heart as Mia walked out her front door.
***
Looking at her phone as she walked towards Mrs. Ports’s room wasn’t going to magically make a note from Lacey appear. Particularly since she was the one who’d walked out yesterday. After hitting Send on Lacey’s college application.
That was the right move. Lacey should follow that dream. Leaving when she pushed her about her family—not the right move.
She’d disappointed her folks when she flip-flopped careers. They’d never said it to her face, but with the jokes… Deep down Mia knew it. She couldn’t disappoint them again, even by letting them know it hurt. That was the price she had to pay as the tumbleweed. And she’d pay it.
But that wasn’t the focus right now. She was checking on Mrs. Ports. And after that she was going to reach out to Lacey.
She opened the door and froze. Lacey was sitting in the chair opposite Mrs. Ports. She looked up at Mia; dark rings under Lacey’s eyes pulled at her.
Lacey held up a finger to her lips. Mia looked at the sleeping woman, left the small pot of flowers she’d brought, then motioned for Lacey to follow her.
The fact that she did loosened most of the tension collecting between Mia’s breasts.
“I’m sorry.” Mia said the words as soon as the door shut. “I don’t know what came over me yesterday. I just—”
“Are either of you her daughter?” A registrar walked up, the tablet the hospital used to track and bill patients at the ready.
“We’re paramedics. We’ve seen her a lot, so we were just checking in on her. She isn’t in contact with her daughter. Her power of attorney is on her chart.” Lacey smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“I know, but she keeps asking for her.” The registrar tapped a few things. “She seems like such a nice lady.”
“Mmm.” Lacey rocked back on her feet.
“Maybe we can reach out to her daughter.” Mia liked Mrs. Ports.
“No.” Lacey shook her head. “They are not in contact.”
“Right, but…”
“No buts.” Lacey’s bright eyes bored through Mia. The registrar made a noise and excused herself.
“Lacey.” Mia looked at the door. “Family is important.”
Lacey looked down the hall. “This isn’t the place for this conversation.” Without waiting for Mia to say anything she walked to the small “courtyard” that was rarely used.
Once upon a time it was supposed to be a green space, but hospital budget cuts had impacted it long ago.
“Mrs. Ports’s daughter gets to decide if she wants to get back in contact with her mother. She knows she is here. The ball is in her court.”
“She might die, Lacey.”
“She might.”
Mia blinked. How could she be so heartless? “What if she was your mom?”
Lacey’s gaze did not soften. “My mother may have passed. I chose no contact for myself.”
“You heard the registrar—Mrs. Ports is so sweet.”
“To us.” Lacey pushed a hand through her short hair. “You don’t know what she was like to her daughter. My parents were loved by the community. But behind closed doors they never had a nice thing to say about anyone. Including their daughter. Trust me. No one cuts their family off without good reason. This is not your place.”
“Family…” Mia’s heart raced in her ears. Why did talking about an older woman’s daughter make her so uncomfortable?
Lacey reached for her hand. “Family is supposed to be your safe space. Supposed to listen to what you want. Support you.”
Now they were talking about her family. “Tumbleweed isn’t the worst nickname.” Mia kicked at a rock. “This isn’t a big deal. It’s not like your stuff. It’s little and a nickname I deserved.”
“Do you like it?” Lacey crossed her arms.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does.”
“No. It doesn’t. You wouldn’t understand. You don’t even know if your family is alive. Which is fine for you. But this is just a nickname. It is not that big a damn deal. Why the hell can’t you see that?”
“You deserve to be comfortable in all your family interactions. Your family is strong enough for the conversation.”
“I don’t need it. I don’t need this.”
“You forced me to do something yesterday I didn’t want to.” Lacey pushed a tear away. “But after it was done, I realized you were right. A good relationship gently nudges, or not so gently, when necessary.”
“I thought it accepted people for who they were.” Why was she fighting this?
“Mia.” Lacey took a deep breath, pushing her hands into her pockets. “Maybe this isn’t going to work.”
“Maybe not.” Mia moved before she could think of anything else. Before the sobs gathering in the back of her throat had a chance to break free.