A Most Unladylike Proposition - Chapter 4
Unsure of how to respond and bewildered by the force of his own lust, James pointedly returned to their easy back-and-forth. ‘If we do not exchange names, then when I accidentally step on your toes, you’ll have no way of holding it against me in the future.’
His comment was meant in jest, even though he wanted to prepare her for his somewhat lackluster dancing skills. But Diana seemed to withdraw a little at his words. Her smile faltered. ‘Oh, we won’t meet again, my lord.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
‘Tonight is my last night of freedom.’
James frowned at that. ‘And pray, do tell— what heinous crime did you commit?’
‘Crime?’
‘Well, if tonight is your last night of freedom, then I can only assume that you are going to be locked away for doing something abominable.’
‘No. No crime, my lord. Unless one considers being born female a crime.’ And yet, she did not laugh but merely added, ‘I am to be married.’
His heart stilled at her tone, which had sounded so sad, perhaps even afraid. Was marriage not what she wanted? Worse, were her affections engaged elsewhere? He wasn’t quite sure why, but the possibility of her loving another man made him unsteady, as if he were stranded at sea, watching a ship sail past, just out of reach and ignorant of his cries for help.
More than unsteady, he was confused. James had been told throughout his entire life that any woman would want him. He was an earl, mere steps below royalty. He was wealthy. And while he was very aware of his flaws, he liked to think that he was a good man too. Not always a patient one, but an honourable one. Moreover, he had been raised to believe that a marriage match should be made without emotion, only common sense, the certainty of financial gain, and the likelihood of the continuation of the title.
Helpless but eager to push, he asked, ‘You do not like him—your intended?’
‘Worse.’ She laughed, then said, ‘I do not know him.’ James felt that she wasn’t talking to him at all when she added, ‘What kind of man offers for a woman he has never even conversed with?’
‘Perhaps he knows what he wants,’ he suggested quietly. Cautiously. And he did, didn’t he? He wanted to marry a woman of good reputation and continue the Blake family line. As was expected of him.
Those eyes, so sad, lifted to his once more. ‘But how can he know that I am what he wants, if he has never met me?’ she countered. ‘It does not bode well. In light of what I do know, I must assume that my fiancé is either completely mad or completely uncaring of me as a person and only wants me as a wife. A prize to fulfil his requirements.’
He opened his mouth to argue, to explain that while he may have had specific requirements, as she called them, he would still strive to be a good husband. He wanted to tell her that, despite his apparent lack of tact, he cared. While he had not allowed himself to ponder the possibility that he might grow to love his wife, he wanted to like her. He wanted to be happy—even if life had taught him that happiness was not guaranteed. And he would do everything in his power to make her happy, irrespective.
But before he could speak, Diana shook her head. ‘Please, don’t.’
‘Don’t what?’
‘You were about to tell me your name,’ she guessed. ‘But I don’t want to know it.’ She smiled sorrowfully. ‘Just for tonight, I want to dance with a handsome stranger and maybe let him steal my first kiss before we go our separate ways forever.’
He probably should have been angry that his fiancée was most certainly propositioning him. But he wasn’t. Because she had not said a kiss, but her first kiss. Instead of angry, he was ashamed that he had not been more considerate of her or her needs. In his deference for tradition, he had not, even once, stopped to ponder how terrifying matrimony might be to a young, inexperienced woman, especially considering she had not met the man she was betrothed to. He was a little confused—sad that she had never experienced what it was to meet a lover in the dark, but glad that no man had touched her in all the ways he was suddenly desperate to. Because while he had already guaranteed that he would be her last kiss, he wanted to be her first too.