Everything in Lukas rejected that statement. ‘I knew where he was going. I should have tried harder to stop him.’
Hannah let out a short laugh. ‘Stop Danielo? Impossible. He was the most stubborn person I knew…perhaps after someone else.’ She glanced at him and Lukas pretended not to notice.
He said, ‘He was falling in with a bad crowd, drifting away from me.’
‘From all of us. Once he knew he probably wouldn’t have the grades to make law school, a part of him gave up.’
‘I offered to help him study—I would have done anything to help him get what he wanted.’
Quietly Hannah said, ‘I think he envied you, A grades came to you so easily.’
Lukas shook his head. ‘Not easy. I worked hard. I’d lost everything and knowing that my parents wanted me to do well was the only thing I had to cling onto. My younger brother and sister didn’t have the luxury of worrying about school grades because they were dead.’
Hannah said, ‘No one would have blamed you for going the other way. But you didn’t. Danielo had no real concept of your loss. None of us did. He had privilege and he squandered it. He didn’t deserve to die, but he chose to leave that night and come here and do…whatever they were doing that led to his death. A stupid, stupid tragic waste.’
He hesitated a moment, because he’d never articulated this to anyone, but here with Hannah now, it felt like he couldn’t keep it in anymore. ‘I know it’s irrational, but I felt like somehow I’d jinxed Danielo.’
Hannah looked at Lukas, at his strong profile. ‘How on earth could you think that?’
‘Because of my family, losing them. As if I’d brought bad luck on your family, or something.’
Hannah’s heart ached even as she shook her head. ‘They were two very tragic, separate incidents. No one’s fault. You deserve to be happy, Lukas.’
His mouth quirked, but it was a sad smile. He looked at her and said mockingly, ‘How do you know I’m not?’
‘I think you’ve been punishing yourself for a long time, for not having been involved in the accident that killed your family. For not somehow saving Danielo—which no one could have done. You’ve been living in limbo.’
Hannah’s words landed in his gut, striking at the very deepest part of him. She was articulating things that he’d never really acknowledged to himself, but he knew she spoke the truth. Lukas turned around, away from the view, feeling exposed, prickly. ‘Did you do a psychology degree in between shifts at the palace?’
She shook her head. ‘No, but I know because I’ve been living in limbo too.’
Before Lukas could ask her what she meant, Hannah said, ‘Let’s go. There’s a storm coming.’ She pointed out to the horizon, where thick grey clouds were gathering. Lukas looked. It was, he thought, a typical Santanger summer thunderstorm. Swift and violent, but would be over within hours.
They continued along the coast road, heading in the direction of an old port town that used to be the capital of the island in Roman times. By the time they arrived, the storm was upon them—it had come in much faster than they’d anticipated. The wind was whipping up and rain was spattering down on the car as they parked along the main square.
Lukas checked his phone. ‘The forecast says this is it for the night. We can’t drive back in these conditions. We’ll have to find a place to stay.’
Hannah didn’t argue with him. She would be well aware of the dangers.
They made a dash for a nearby hotel in the square dominated by a magnificent Baroque cathedral, only to be told that there was just one double room left, and that every other hotel, hostel and small pensione was fully booked in the town on account of a festival that day and the weather.
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